Gaslighting women, especially Mamas, needs to end!
I am fiercely protective of the Mamas that I work with, especially when they tell me that their concerns were disregarded/dismissed and were told that there’s nothing wrong by their primary healthcare provider.
Gaslighting women is not new. It’s been going on for centuries. Women being called hysterical, telling them that their pain is all in their head, that it’s nothing to worry about, that it’s all normal…
Now imagine being gaslit in one of the most vulnerable times of your life: becoming a Mama.
I hear it all the time from the Mamas that I work with that their healthcare provider dismissed their concerns about their baby, breastfeeding, and their mental well-being. Here’s an example of a healthcare provider that blamed the Mama for not being able to breastfeed her baby. This Mama wasn’t able to latch the baby, and it wasn’t from a lack of trying. Had the healthcare provider done a proper and thorough assessment of the baby, she would have seen that the baby had such a prominent tongue tie that it was making it impossible for that tongue to move properly and latch properly. This Mama endured pain for weeks and felt like shit after her visit with the healthcare provider. She felt like it was her fault, because that’s exactly what the healthcare provider said. She told her that it’s her fault that she can’t latch or breastfeed her baby. This is unacceptable! During my visit, the husband told me that his wife cried for days after that visit and blamed herself. It wasn’t until my visit, where I did a proper and thorough assessment, that I found the tongue tie and made the appropriate referral and plan, and spent time discussing with the Mama that it was never her fault. The healthcare system failed her. Her healthcare provider failed her.
Sadly, this is not uncommon. I see it all the time with the Mamas that I work with. Healthcare providers dismissing the Mama’s concerns, because baby is gaining weight, despite the Mama triple feeding for 3 months!!!! Or when Mama’s say that the latch hurts and are told there’s nothing wrong and to just suck it up. Or better yet, dismissing the Mama when she brings up her concerns that the baby may have a tongue/ip tie despite Mama/baby having latch issues/supply issues.
Honestly, I could lose my mind when I hear stories like this. And I am hearing more and more stories like this. The damage that this does to a Mama is life long. It causes a trauma that the Mama carries with her for possibly her lifetime…
Mamas, it is not your fault! It never was!
The job of any healthcare provider is first and foremost to listen to the Mama’s concerns, acknowledge those concerns and do their best to address them. It is not their job to dismiss, discount, gaslit, ignore, judge or blame the Mama. Second, it is their job and responsibility to provide the best care possible and many times that means referring the Mama to another healthcare provider, who is better trained to help this Mama. Healthcare should be collaborative, because no single person can provide all the support and tools the Mama needs.
Mamas, if your healthcare provider is gaslighting you, dismissing you, ignoring your concerns, it’s time for you to find a new provider. If you live locally, in the Tri-Cities or the Lower Mainland, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. If you don’t live locally, I provide virtual support and/or can help you find a healthcare provider that will listen to your concerns.
Gaslighting women needs to end, especially, the gaslighting of Mamas!
- Agnes (MamaBear)
